During the course of our podcasting and Dad-centred social media adventures, one of our number came up with an idea. His name was Spanners, and he triggered an awakening in us all. That awakening was 99ing.
Have you ever had a burst of enthusiasm that inspired you to work your socks off at home, busting a gut to do all the chores and odd-jobs that needed doing? Did you do this to impress your partner, in the hope of getting a little pat on the back for all your hard work, and maybe even some kind of "nocturnal reward"? I know you have, we all have.
You're all with me so far? Good. Here comes the crux of it.
You've done these things, you've worked so hard, you've sweated and scrubbed and you got it all done! You're really pleased with yourself, you're almost excited for your Wife to come home.
You hear the car pull up, the door opens and slams, you hear the footsteps and then the sound of the key hitting the lock. Oh my god, she's gonna be so pleased. You really did GREAT today. You'll be revered as a hero, they'll sing songs of this in years to come. The taverns will drown in the sound of drunken men singing along to the ballad of the perfect husband.
She walks in, immediately seeing that the place looks great. The suspense hangs in the air like a thick fog on a crisp autumn morning. She walks around, surveying the house like a drill sergeant inspecting the barracks.
She draws breath. Ohmygod here it comes, you're just the best. This is going to be awesome...
"You forgot to clean the windows."
Yep, that's right. You did 99% of these household tasks. You did a good job. But you missed something. You just got Ninety-Nine'd.