Fat Hippo's Rant: You had ONE job… Fail-o-rama in Montreal

By The Fat Hippo. 

Written in association with Missed Apex Podcast. Listen in the player below the article and please don't forget to comment.

In my Canada predictions I wrote that the Canada GP will be make-or-break time for several people, and while some actually delivered, namely Max Verstappen and Valtteri Bottas, other’s failed yet again.

To go with the vernacular of the Podcast, the ‘Missed Apex Of The Weekend’ just has to go to Nico Rosberg. I had my suspicion that he was smacked down hard after Barcelona , the same way the team had done after Spa 2014. This all looks way too similar to the aftermath of that previous incident. As of a little over thirty-six hours ago I’m finally convinced that he will never win a championship.

Nico and Lewis 'resolve their differences'

Nico and Lewis 'resolve their differences'

He certainly won’t win one as long as he’s partnered with Lewis. I mean, seriously, he proved a perfect team player at Monaco and as a thank you he gets punted off the track by his own team mate, and guess what, he doesn’t even say a thing about it and his team just sweeps it under the rug. If that had been me, I would have been standing in that interview pen and let the world know in no uncertain terms what I think about that. But then, if it had been me, I wouldn’t have accepted that team order in Monaco in the first place.

“But he’s negotiating a new contract”, they say. “He can’t afford to upset the team”, they say; to which I say: “So bleeping what? What’s the point of driving in a team that humiliates you constantly?” And does someone seriously believe that Merc can afford to let Lewis be beaten by his team mate after he won two titles with them?  Everybody who remembers Lewis’s disparaging remarks about Vettel in 2013 knows that Lewis has a problem with accepting that someone else might win something while he’s still competing, and Merc knows that too. He can’t even cope with being beaten by Nico in qualifying. If Rosberg beat him in the championship he would spiral out of control completely and therefore the team will never allow that to happen to their highest-paid employee. Not that he would need much help. With the momentum back on his side, I doubt even the upcoming engine penalties will stop him.

Realistically Rosberg must decide if he wants to become the new Rubens Barrichello, who collects the odd win here or there when his team mate can’t be arsed or if he wants a genuine shot at the title, and that would mean leaving Merc.

One of the possible destinations would be Ferrari, but you have to be a botched strategy fetishist to go there. You have to admire Vettel’s spirit. While a certain Australian lost his cool after two botched races, Vettel had four out of seven messed up by his team and he was still able to deliver a hilarious post-race interview with Lewis on Sky UK. Ferrari deserve massive kudos for getting this close to Merc in terms of pace, but they really should check if they accidentally hired an orangutan for a strategist. They nixed a possible victory in Melbourne, then another one in Barcelona and yet another one in Canada. Vettel must be starting to wonder why he is even trying.

Speaking of me homie Seb V. Hey mate, next time before you climb into that cockpit, why don’t you just stick your head in it and have look? You’ll find that someone has put a second pedal into it, right next to the one that makes a noise when you step on it. It’s called ‘the brake pedal’, and I know it’s counter-intuitive, but it is for making the car slower in order to go through corners. Why don’t you give it a try? I’ve been told that if you try that ‘braking is for girls’ trick in Baku, missing the chicane over and over again may mean you hit a very solid castle.

Which brings us to Red Bull. Well, basically we don’t have to say anything about them, we all saw how Danny RIC was shafted for the third time on the trot, and not even the greatest optimist can claim with a straight face that this was ‘just an unfortunate incident’, however, Mr. Ricciardo knows that himself. Two years ago he was the golden boy himself, seeing that his team mate had a lot of ‘bad luck’, so I would hazard a guess that he’s already looking for the exit clauses in his contract.

Danny tries to emulate Kimi's 'happy face'

Danny tries to emulate Kimi's 'happy face'

One has to say, he certainly didn’t help matters by publically lambasting the team, something that his team mate in 2014 managed to avoid. Not that it helped him though. The result was the same. Danny’s fallen out of favour and Red Bull lets him know about it, just as they did with Seb, and with Webber beforehand.

Renault. ‘nuff said.

Cheers, the Hippo

Please note that this article solely represents the author's opinion and not that of Missed Apex or any other living person for that matter.